Nothing says summer like beach days, reading in the sun, swimming in your friend’s pool, and of course, spending hours at college open houses. Although it would be nice to consider summer as a simple time to relax and live in the moment, summer is also a time to focus on the approaching whirlwind of college applications. With this in mind, my dad and I took some college road trips to give me some perspective on what kind of place I want to attend next fall. From New York to Ohio, I may not have become an expert on college open houses but I believe I have gained enough credentials to consider myself a critic.

The most important thing you should know is that colleges have only allotted themselves a certain amount of time to sell you on why their school is the best out there. So with this in mind, you’ll need to develop a personal filter within your mind that is able to sort out the valuable information from the trivial. Some things I made sure to never pay attention to were the cliché slogans and mottos that most schools have developed to try to sell you in one sentence. Most of the time they are blatantly obvious like, “Creative Thought Matters.” Gee, if it weren’t for their constant repetition of this phrase I would have never known that it’s important to think outside the box. Another phrase, “So think one person can change the world?” followed by the definitive answer, “So do we”, was even more reminiscent of the kindergarten days when everyone was told she could be an astronaut or a princess. The admissions counselor who recited this monotony was quick to inform the prospective students that he knew this motto was cheesy. If you know it’s so cheesy then why not get rid of it?

The next thing you should know is that the best way to judge a college open house is by the quality of their free giveaways. Sure, it may sound catty but if colleges are going to judge me by my GPA and SAT scores then I think I’ve earned the right to judge them by superficial handouts. I received sunglasses, buttons, and posters. All of them turned me into a walking advertisement so I guess they’ve all won points for what they were trying to accomplish: getting their name out there. The college with the buttons has my support though, because who doesn’t love a good button?

Something that you may discover when visiting colleges is that some schools have become strangely liberal. With the election of our first African American president and the legalization of gay marriage in all states, it’s easy to see that American society is at its most accepting point. While it is wonderful that such social changes are taking place, some methods have gone too far in attempting to not offend anyone. At one college, my tour guide informed me that they use the “E” system for their bathrooms. This system involves a Velcro “E” attached to each of the bathroom doors. You can flip this letter in several different ways to customize your bathroom experience. “E” stands for everyone which means anyone can go in that bathroom. If you flip the letter up or down it becomes a “W” for women or an “M” for men. Finally, if you flip the letter sideways it becomes a “3” for me, myself, and I. Okay, I get what they are trying to do. This is to be sensitive towards all forms of gender identification, but do they realize what is at the heart of all this fuss? The simple and preferably thoughtless act of using the bathroom. If I am going to the bathroom I would rather just enter the room, do my business and leave, rather than have to think which way I should flip a gosh darn Velcro letter.

Another thing you should know is that the tour guides were probably chosen on the basis of their school spirit and let me tell you, most of them have a lot of it. They practically ooze the colors of their school straight out of their own skin. This can be extremely annoying. All I really wanted was to get a feel for the college and become informed of the different places within it. Most of the tour guides I encountered have forgotten their sole duties of showing their groups around. Instead of conducting an informational tour they resort to speaking in endless hyperbole. Every college I have visited seems to have “the best sandwich ever” or “the best caramel iced latte in the entire flippin’ universe.” If these tour guides have really tried every sandwich and iced caramel latte in the world to be able to make this proclamation, then I am very impressed. Otherwise I would rather the excitement be toned down just a tad. I even had one tour guide point out every place she napped on campus. “See that koi pond over there? Yep, took a nap there.” “Want to guess what I did under that table? Napped of course.” Needless to say, the only thing I learned from that tour was how to skip class and sleep.

Not all parts of college open houses are so deterrent but it’s helpful to be able to differentiate between valuable and invaluable information. We are told that we must choose a college on the basis of how much we love it. Sometimes this is much harder than it seems though, as we tend to focus on what we don’t like rather than what we do like. Picking a college actually may come down to which school has the least amount of annoyance. I found that my number one choice was the one that avoided all the stereotyping. In fact, what drew me in the most was their explanation of how labeling is the last thing they want to do. Finally, a college that shared my frustration towards the endless clichés of college open houses. I hope to call this school my home one day. A home where I won’t feel the constant need to display my school spirit, where I can learn without the constraints of a motto, and where I can use the bathroom in complete normalcy.