In elementary school, I struggled to make friends with girls my age. I felt a little different from them back then. I was outgoing, but not in the way that girls were supposed to be. I remember being more energetic than a lot of girls there, feeling as if my trying to make friends with them was a lost cause. I will always have this memory of sitting in a circle in class, and all the girls I was friends with were wearing light colors, all my guy friends were wearing neon graphic t-shirts and shorts, and me wishing the school offered uniforms.
By the time fifth grade came around, I had become close friends with three boys, and I was always hanging out with them. As much as I was a part of this little friend group, I had never felt included. They would call and play games without me, mansplain whatever they were doing when I asked to be included, make fun of me for liking things they didn’t like (such as the color pink), etc. If I were to give more examples of how I was treated differently because of me being a woman, I would need to keep writing and writing because unfortunately, many things like this have happened, and they will keep happening. I have been assured that by my mother, girls at school, aunts, teachers, among others.
This is an uncomfortable truth that all girls have to learn at some point in their lives, usually at a young age. There might be different things that they all have to learn when they are younger. Whether they are plus-sized, POC, less wealthy, or just unconventionally attractive, it all comes down to not fitting into this box of “perfect femininity,” or at least the American ideal. Every single one of these biases comes from somewhere, and they start even before we are born.
Adults Play the Biggest Role
The internal beliefs and stereotypes that we hold about gender start young, and they come from the adults around us. If you are a boy, try to remember when you were a little kid. Do you maybe remember being told that you threw like a girl? Maybe you were told you fought or screamed like one? Maybe you told your parents you didn’t like an item because it was pink or purple? If you’re a girl, recall your experience as a little kid. Were you maybe not picked first for PE? Were you told to sit still while your male friend made a fuss? Do you remember being rated by a man based on your appearance? One thing sticks out about all of these things you were taught, and that would be your parents and teachers, and where they were. At the ages where you are little or in elementary school, these are the most important role models in your life.
Imagine this. You are a little girl, playing with your other friends, one boy and one girl. Your guy friend says something about your friend not looking pretty enough to be a girl. Who would be there to correct the boy’s behavior and explain why his comment is rude and inappropriate? The teacher. But most of the time, these things get brushed off as just “childhood behavior.”
Biased Children Turn into Biased Adults
We understand that these stereotypes are bad for our children to learn. Unfortunately, letting these beliefs be ingrained into children’s brains has become the norm, and it is common to find these internalized beliefs in the education system and the results of this happening. But what does this look like in everyday life?
The Spark and Stitch Institute published an article about ways to disrupt teaching children gender bias. One of them is to look at how the child’s gender affects their life right now, and how the child is going to be affected by their gender when they grow up. This is extremely important because gender plays a significant role in getting a job. If a child is a girl, then aspects of them getting a job, getting a fair salary, their health, how seriously they will be taken by men, their access to education, or even how health products might affect them.
Boys do not need to worry about this happening to them, since society was originally built for them to thrive in the first place. Yet, these boys 100% need to learn how they are privileged in this way so that they can fight their biases and join the fight for gender equality. Underprivileged people cannot get help or make progress in being treated equally unless the ones who have privilege and power listen and actually try to make a change.
The Numbers
Statistics show that girls and boys BOTH experience shame about not conforming to the gender they identify with “correctly.”. This can affect a multitude of different things. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 5 women will get raped at some point, along with 1 in 71 men, 91% of rape cases involved women victims, and 9% of them are men. Astoundingly, sexual violence is even more apparent during childhood., Research shows also states that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old., Additionally, also stated that 12.3% of women were age 10 or younger at the time of their first rape or/victimization, while 30% of women were between the ages of 11 and 17.
What should YOU do?
If you are reading this article, you have gender bias. You have stereotypes and ideals built into you, and you are most likely doing something that upholds all those stereotypes and ideals. This isn’t an attack on you, this should feel like a call to action, and if you have been affected by these challenges, then this should be a sign to keep going in the right direction.
Boys and men, you need to educate yourselves. In fact, you are the one who needs to educate yourself the most, because you are the ones that truly make the fight a whole lot easier if you listen. Women and girls, you need to keep on digging deeper. The fight for equity cannot keep going if there is not an understanding of how these issues affect you personally.
Books, Channels, and Resources
If you are into reading and want to research more, some book recommendations would include Read This To Get Smarter About Race, Class, Disability, & More, Men Who Hate Women, The Guy’s Guide To Feminism, etc. Reading books helps more with condensed information all in one.
If you are more into videos and social media content, some channels to go to would be TEDx Talks, Feminist page on Instagram, mentalkfeminism.com, etc. These resources are better if you like to digest bite-sized pieces of information at a time.
Using your resources, education about these topics, and increasing teen civic engagement is going to be one of the things that truly make a difference in the world. I hope that reading this will make you more interested in your part and role in that fight. How can YOU do something to help the world around you?